Wednesday, 29 August 2012

list 44: reasons why I am happy being single (for now)

My name is Zoe, and I am single. (this is the point where I resist singing "all my single ladies, all my single ladies"... oh wait....) I sometimes feel like I am the only single person left on this planet. My last boyfriend was three years ago, and we had been together for almost five years. It wasn't the best relationship, it ended badly with me heartbroken and alone. It was only after my relationship ended that I realised over those five years I'd lost sight of the real me. I'd become the type of girl I hate. The one who ditches her friends for a boy. The one who lets a boy dictate who she is, what she likes, what she does with her life. It's been three years and I'm still piecing myself back together, but I vowed that I would never become that girl again. But part of me worries that the reason I have avoided relationships since is because I think that I will somehow end up in the same situation again, despite promising myself I would never let that happen.

Maybe I do avoid relationships. It's not exactly hard, I'm not the sort of person that has a queue of suitors at her door. I don't have any real guy friends. But that's not what this post is about (that's a whole other post with some hilarious if slightly awkward stories in it) - this post is about me realising that, although subconsciously I may be avoiding relationships, I am actually happier right now than I have been in a long time. It's reassuring because I know there are so many single people out there who hate being single, and are desperate to find someone. It's not that I actively push guys away - if Matthew Gray Gubler wandered into my house I wouldn't ask him to leave. I'm just learning to accept the fact that I am single, and may be for a long time. Maybe forever. Some people think that is being pessimistic, but I think it's being realistic. It's easy to say "oh there's someone out there for you, you'll find someone." But think about it logically - it is impossible that every single person on this earth has a partner out there. And, even if there is a guy out there who is absolutely perfect for me, who I could love, and who could love me back - what are the odds that we will find each other amongst the 6 billion other people on this planet?

So, maybe I'm doomed to singledom. But why is it such a bad thing? When I tell people I'm single sometimes they look at me like I've just told them I have a terminal illness. Why is being single such a negative thing? I have friends and family who love me. I have an awesome job. I have a house that is warm and safe. I have a dog, and nice clothes, and books, and this blog. Why is it not okay for me to be perfectly happy and satisfied with these things? I know lots of people who have awesome relationships that they are really happy in, and that is ace. But I also know lots of people in crappy relationships, that they stay in for the sake of having someone there. They need another person to make themselves feel good, to make them happy, and I find the idea of letting someone else dictate your happiness crazy.

So, after this extremely long monologue, here are the reasons why I love being single...

1. sometimes I don't shave my legs. sometimes I don't shave my armpits. sometimes I don't shave them for a REALLY long time. but hey, who cares, I'm the only one who sees them.

2. hating Valentine's Day is way more fun than having to go along with it and pretend that you really love the tacky cards, and feeling obligated to spend money on presents and an overpriced meal in a restaurant full of couples

3. one person. double bed. oh the freedom.

4. my phone bill has pretty much been quartered since being single. also, skipping those hour long phone calls every single night gives me more time to paint my nails (and by that I mean force my sister to paint them for me)

5. I can make last minute decisions (like deciding that next month I'm going to Thailand for 3 weeks just for fun - yep I actually did that a couple of years ago!) without worrying about what my boyfriend will say or think

6. there is no need for compromise - this is pretty much the best reason EVER to stay single when you are as stubborn and selfish as I am. When I want a burrito, I have a burrito. There is no-one else there going "but I don't want a burrito, I want pizza." (this is also the reason I can't see myself every having children - I am way too self-centered)

7. there is also no need for sharing (you know when you go to the cinema and you say "do you want popcorn?" and they say "no." So you get a small popcorn just for yourself, and then they end up eating most of it? yeah that. ZOE DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.

8. no arguments, no wondering what they're thinking/if they are annoyed, no waiting for them to call or text, no being annoyed but having to pretend you're not to avoid having a fight.

9. the money I have saved since becoming single is CRAZY - all the meals out/gifts/travel to his house/paying for drinks out/buying films to watch... that stuff is expensive! At least now if I'm paying for something I know it's for me

10. being able to focus on myself and on what I want to do - again that probably sounds totally selfish, but after five years of trying to make someone else happy I figure it's probably time I focused on what I want. And now I can.

Now who else out there is a singleton like me? Do you enjoy being single? Why do you/don't you? I'd be really interested to see what other people think and feel on this subject xoxo

10 comments:

  1. It's so wonderful to read this post. I'm struggling to get to a place of happy autonomy in my current relationship. Sometimes I think about leaving but am afraid ill just hate being single again. While I'm not ready to take the leap just yet this post gave me hope for my possible future. I love your blog! Have so much fun in Thailand and tell us all about it!

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  2. I've been in a relationship for over two years now and a lot of the things you've listed I really miss about being single haha. I agree that some people stay in relationships just to 'be' in a relationship - the best ones are the ones that feel natural and easy as if you're just hanging out with your best friend. There's a negative stigma attached to being single which I think is ridiculous, it's important to look after yourself and enjoy your own company. My mum always says if you can't be happy by yourself how can you expect to be happy with someone else? It sounds like you're really doing well just as you are and I'm very envious of your trip to Thailand!

    xxx
    Nina from little nomad

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  3. number 6 and 10 are the reasons i will be forever alone
    (and happy)

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  4. I loved being single for all these reasons too. Loved that my bedroom was mine alone and I could decorate it how I wanted, stay up as late as I wanted and have the freedom to just be myself with no-one else to answer to. It was brilliant! xx

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  5. You have made me smile, laugh, realise, giggle, think deeply, wonder and ponder all in one read..... I come from a strange perspective, perhaps a lucky one. I married my best friend last year, who I'd been with for 11 years. Yes I know you may say, how can i find anything to associate in this last blog?... but i do. I live my life happy and independent with my best friend/husband. And my statement is, be single and happy and ONLY be with someone if they allow you to feel the same free way you did when you were single, you should still be able to feel all those things, you should never ever ever lose sight of your innerself, you should never lose your spirit and energy or ability to think independently.... if you do then it's the wrong person your with. The difference when you find that (yes I'll use those words) 'special someone' is that it's never a feeling of having to, needing to, obliged to.....its always a feeling of wanting to!! Ok, I'll stop my rambles. Don;t want a load of 'single ladies, single ladies' to chase me off here :) xxx

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  6. what a nice post! I think you put into words what I feel but can't really express. yes, there are a lot of good things about being single, and no, it's not the end of the world. but also I can't help but look forward to spending time with someone other than myself ;)

    best xx

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  7. This is great! After two TERRIBLE relationships in my early 20s, I've now been single (barring a couple of months here and there) for almost ten years. And you know what? I love it! #5 & #6 are my main reasons - I enjoy being able to be self-centred. Want to stay in my pjs all day, not wash my hair or go without shaving my legs for weeks? Ok! Want to drop everything and go away for a few days? Fine! I'd love it if I could find someone I was willing to give up my single freedom for, but it hasn't happened yet.

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  8. I think I'd find being single incredibly hard, as I've actually never been single in reality. I was with my first boyfriend since I had just turned 14 until I was a few months past 19. After our split (which I'm still incredibly upset about) I found a new boy fairly quickly, who treats me amazingly and I felt I couldn't give up the chance at being happy with him, as we 'clicked'. I'm still finding it all very strange and hard, but the idea of being single terrifies me, because I'm very bad at spending time alone. I always feel that in a relationship with the right person, the things on this list should still be possible (maybe not the double bed, I suppose! Haha).
    Oh, and don't worry about being alone forever. I don't for a second believe that there is just one person in seven billion that's right for us. If and when you're ready for it, you'll find someone! You're too cool not to anyway, someone's going to want you to themselves!

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  9. I always loved being single; I also love being in my current relationship, but I know if something went wrong I'd be happy on my own (after the requisite sulking/mourning period). That said, some of these points really don't apply to me - my boyfriend couldn't care less if I shave my legs or not (I can't remember the last time I did - about a year ago, I think); we ignore Valentine's Day; we hardly ever speak on the phone; and life's much cheaper now we're living together... and some of these points are why I know he's the right guy for me. I wouldn't have given up being single for just anyone and nor should you. :)

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  10. I wonder if some of the issue people have with single people is because of things like Sex and the City and Bridget Jones. While they were very entertaining they bred the idea that single women are obsessed with finding a partner. I think the world could do with lots more posts like yours, to redress the balance and show that not all of us single ladies are desperate limpids.
    Nice post. Zoe x

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