Saturday, 9 August 2014
thoughts and ramblings
Today is my birthday. Not just any birthday, but my 28th birthday. To most people this isn't an important birthday at all, but for me it is. Not because it's my birthday, but because it marks an important stage of my life.
Ten years ago on this exact day I turned 18, and I met a boy who became my boyfriend. He was my first real boyfriend, and I thought we would be together forever. Ten years ago today I sat and thought about where my life would be in ten years time. I was off to university to study Psychology and Criminal Justice Studies, with the aim of becoming a Criminal Psychologist. I was in a long-term relationship with a guy I thought I would one day marry. I thought I had everything figured out, and knew exactly what my life would look like aged 28. But I was so wrong.
I've spoken on this blog a few times about my break up with my ex. Not because I think you're all so interested in my past relationships (because they are very few and very boring) but because it marked a real turning point in my life. Aged 23 I split with my boyfriend after almost five years together. It was a messy break up, which left me living back with my parents, struggling to complete my degree in Creative Writing whilst coping with having my world turned upside down. It was hands down one of the hardest times in my life.
At the time I resented the years of my life I'd spent in the relationship, all the sacrifices I'd made for someone who ultimately did not love me. Sometimes I still do have moments of resentment, but ultimately I have come to accept it. Without that negative time I wouldn't be where I am now. Having everything in my life turned round gave me the opportunity to start over, and to do what I wanted, rather than what I thought I needed to do to be the person I thought I had to be. After five years of being someone's girlfriend, I finally had time to be who I wanted to be. I got a job I loved, started this blog, made new friends, started crafting, and ultimately began Ladybird Likes. And a year and a half ago I met Jonathan, who is everything I could ever want and so much more. Having such an awful relationship history has only made me appreciate him that much more. Without going on (because you know how I get carried away!) he has given me the confidence to follow my dreams, and to be the person I really am. He encourages me, supports me, tells me I look nice, and fuels my Starbucks addiction. He is everything I could ever ask for and so much more too.
Ten years ago today I thought I had my life planned out, but I'm so glad that it didn't turn out like that. Sure I wish I didn't live at home with my parents. I'd like to have more money and work a bit less. But I'm happy. Happier than I was ten years ago. Happier than I've ever been before. I've done things, and been places, and had experiences I'd never even dared to dream of for myself. I am grateful every day for the life I have, and I wouldn't change a second of it.
Today is my 28th birthday. I guess I should say how old I feel, and how I don't want to turn 30, and all the usual stuff. Sure, sometimes when people ask me how old I am I have to stop and think because my automatic answer is 23. I don't feel like I am 28 years old, and people often tell me I don't look my age. But if this is what it's like being 28, then it can't be all bad.