List 40: things I learnt as a student at an all girl's school

You may or may not already know this but, from the age of 11 till the age of 18 I attended an all girls high school and sixth form college. That's right folks, I spent 8 hours a day, 5 hours a week with 1200 other girls. It was an experience. I have such amazing memories from that place, and that is where I met my BFF. I wanted to share a few things that have stuck in my mind from my time at an all girls school....

1. it is possible to annoy your head of division so much that, upon seeing you at his office door, he climbs under his desk and pretends not to be there

2. those parents that thought sending their daughters to an all girls school would lead to less distractions were seriously mistaken

3. it is always a good idea to stand on the benches in the school changing rooms and chant 'youz a hoe' at the school slutbag

4. there is no end to the number of jokes that can be made when your headteacher's surname is also the name of a tropical bird

5. navy blue polyester sweatshirts flatter no-one - in fact I think they are specifically chosen in order to hide any possible signs of womanliness

6. being a girl does not make you good at baking - I have witnessed firsthand what happens when you grill a victoria sponge rather than baking it in an oven

7. it is obligatory that when the sun shines you wear cycling shorts under your school skirt and spend your entire lunchtime doing cartwheels and handstands on the playing fields

8. when you are escorting a group of 14 year olds on a cruise around the Mediterranean, it is always a good idea to take them to a restaurant where the male staff will feed them peach liquer in exchange for kisses (yup, this happened!)

9. during every chemistry lesson someone will inevitably get acid in their eye/set part of their clothing on fire with a bunsen burner

10. male teachers in an all girls school will inevitably become a school heart-throb, or will be branded a sex pest

11. if your psychology teacher turns up one day missing one of his front teeth, the only possible course of action is to force him to wear an eyepatch and call him cap'n

12. no matter how hot the weather is, never open the classroom windows because a wasp will fly in and order will never be restored

13. black history assemblies are merely a facade for girls to perform raunchy dance routines to Destiny's Child without being given detention

14. it is possible to procure an entire meal from vending machines with only two pounds in change

What did you learn from your time at high school? Have you made use of any of the numerous and invaluable lifeskills you gained during your time in state education?