Thursday, 28 June 2012

List 37: things I hate about this dating malarky

Relationships are hard, but dating is worse. At least, that's how it feels to this singleton! I'm not one for this whole dating lark - I know lots of people really enjoy it, the excitement of it, the newness of everything, but I way prefer feeling totally comfortable with someone in that way that only comes with spending lots of time together. So I thought I'd share some of the things I hate most about dating. (apologies that my lists are all about dating lately - I promise to move on soon and go back to lists about dogs and TV shows!)

1. you text him. He doesn't reply. You text again. He doesn't reply. You give up and make other plans. Twelve hours later he texts as if nothing happened.

2. that awkward end of date moment where you don't know whether to hug, shake hands, peck on the cheek, or full on snog. At best you end up having to turn your lip kiss into some weird eskimo nose rub thing, and at worst you end up with your face buried in his far too moist armpit.

(I also have this problem when meeting new people as friends - normally I'm a smile and wave at introductions, hug when you say goodbye kind of girl, but apparently other people see this as weird?!)

3. the age old question - who pays for what? I'm a modern girl, I can (mostly) pay my own way. It's nice when someone offers to pay for something, but I think it should be split pretty evenly. I get uncomfortable when a guy insists on paying for everything like it's his god given duty. I know, I know, he's being nice, I should graciously accept and shut up. But I hate that awkward standing at the bar with your purse out and having a mock fight over who gets to give the bartender their card!

4. conversations about exes. Somehow, no matter how hard you try, they always slip in there somewhere.

5. the awkward moment when the couple sitting near you starts making out and you feel pressured to do the same. (no, just me?!)

6. those horrible nervous butterflies that mean you don't feel much like eating all day before a date, and so when you drink two cherry beers you ended up rather tipsy and talk about a fox eating a baby's face for longer than is generally considered normal.

7. "so where do you want to go?" "I don't mind, where do you fancy going?" "I don't mind, where do you want to go?" I'm not bothered really, anywhere is fine." repeat times a thousand.

8. when there is a lull in the conversation and you realise you cannot think of a single thing to say so instead you panic and go to the toilet and text your friends.

9. at what point are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Is it meant to be a spoken thing? Or is there a minimum number of required dates? Are you meant to discuss it or just assume you are? What if they think you're not in a couple but you think you are? Or vice versa.

All you couples -how did you get there? Did you do the awkward dating thing, or was it natural from the start? xoxo


10 comments:

  1. AHHH i know these well! I traditionally have always got with people ive known fairly well already, so managed to avoid most awkwardness. My current boyfriend and I had MONTHS of are we together or not and I just found it annoying! I hate not knowing where I stand and I hate the whole text waiting game! Im not normally a very forward person but it got to the stage where friends were asking us both what was going on and we were both getting annoyed by it, so in the end, after automatically having certain days we'd see each other, valentines day made the decision for us! xxx

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  2. This is basically just a massive list of all the reasons why I was too scared to ever date, haha!
    My number one peeve is not knowing where I stand, not knowing how other people feeling and feeling like there's something needed saying.
    I've never really done the dating thing before. I was with my first boyfriend from just before 14 to just after 19, and when you're 14 there's not really dating, you just ask them to be your girlfriend. Even then, it was more our friends being like 'ARE YOU GOPING OUUUUT?' and we both went 'I guess so.' Romantic. It lasted well though!
    My current boyfriend we just sort of fell into a relationship very quickly, luckily both of us are the kind of people just to say how we feel.
    The thought of dating now terrifies me, so I think you're being very brave!
    ALL of these things on the list are so true. I could not stop laughing at the fox eating a baby's face part! I think you're basically me in another body. I do these things in all social situations (like bringing up your favourite past time of watching documentaries about the prison system, serial killers or disfigured people. Fun)
    Good luck with the dating!
    xxx

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  3. #1 - the texting bit - is just absolutely awful! good luck lady!
    kw, Ladies in Navy

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  4. Yes! Yes! Yes! All of the above!!
    I am a hugger and I hate that awkward moment when you can almost hear the other persons thoughts that go something like "What is she *doing*?!"
    Lulls in conversations are awful!! If in doubt I always talk about books or movies. Fail safe plan.
    I like splitting the check too!! There is no reason why he should have to pay for everything. Ugh! Those mock fights are just terrible!

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  5. Ha I LOVE your dating lists!!
    I definitely did the whole awkward dates with my bf when we started seeing each other. It was really weird, and uncomfortable...!
    But now, it's all normal. I don't even consider him a 'boyfriend' any more, he's a partner/family/hard to explain! :)
    Good luck with the dating lovely! Any guy would be a fool not to be with such a sweetie like you!
    x x x

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  6. tehee this list is brilliant! i wouldn't even know where to begin with the whole dating thing! (luckily i met my boyfriend at uni, friends first, then both realised we 'liked' liked each other, which made it nice and easy!)
    i agree with the whole 'meeting new friends for the first time' part too, i'm also a wave hello person and hug goodbye!
    i can actually relate most of these to just being scared of making new friends! (except for the kissing and making out parts obvs) sighhh x

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  7. This list is brilliant and spot on! Cherry beers yum - foxes eating babies not so yum but we've all been there! The awkward hug - what about the awkward kiss on the cheek that turns into two - they go to give you a second one, you weren't expecting it, then go in for it too late - it's like your heads are magnets attracting and repelling! Just wave and say hi - what's with all this European kissy kissy - we're awkward Brits and I like it that way :)
    Also THE TALK "are we going out?" "So are we boyfriend and girlfriend" when did this slip into dating politics? Apparently now there are different levels and rules, it's all so complicated. But 7 and a 1/2 years ago, I stuck it out and am now happily married - no more TALKS, or awkward hugs/kisses/conversations - phew!
    Keep in there - it's worth it in the end :)

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  8. Hehe, love it!

    The getting tipsy on two beers.. so true!
    When me and my boyfriend went on our first date we chatted for 9 hours(!) thankfully starting in Starbucks, but we did move onto bars and neither of us wanted to eat in front of the other so we just didn't eat all day. Whoops! Fun times, though. I think I probably need to be easily tipsy on a first date. Calms my nerves!

    As for kissing/hugging/shaking hands, I go for an obvious hug and then after hugging we're close enough to kiss without it being awkward. I'm a huggy person, though, so I hug everyone ;)

    Sophie
    http://onetenzeroseven.com/blog

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    Replies
    1. Also, I never let a guy I just met pay for anything for me! If it's rounds in a bar, that's fine, but otherwise they usually think they're entitled to something else from me. And it does NOT work like that. Some bloke once quite forcefully insisted to buy me a drink and then proceeded to stick his tongue down my throat. Not cool.

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