Wednesday, 4 July 2012
List 38: reasons why I am keeping it real
Lately I've been feeling under pressure to have a certain kind of life. That pressure comes entirely from myself, but is the result of reading too many lifestyle and design blogs that seem to showcase bloggers with such beautiful, organised, photogenic lives. I want that. I want the beautifully decorated house showcasing amazing thrifted finds. I want the wardrobe full of vintage clothes, the boyfriend who supports me and takes outfit photos on my behalf, the hugely successful blog with sponsors and affiliates.
But the truth is, I don't have these things. I have a pretty awesome life (and no, that's not me bigging up myself) which I should be so happy with. And I am happy with it. I wake up every day (okay, almost every day) feeling insanely grateful for the fact that I get to run my own business. But I get blog envy. A lot. I compare myself to these other bloggers and wonder why my photos don't look like theirs, why my graphics aren't as punchy as theirs, why I can't do all the things they are doing. Their lives always seem so perfect, and so beautiful, and by comparison mine seems so.... not.
The fact of the matter is that blogs lie. No, that's wrong, they don't lie, they simply bend the truth. Their lives are just as imperfect as mine, they just choose not to show those imperfections. I'm guilty of doing it myself. Sometimes I deliberately won't vent on my blog, because I don't want to seem negative. Or I won't post a photograph because it's not quite right. And, I'll confess, when I posted the photos of my studio I tidied up first. My studio never looks that tidy normally - it's actually a total mess, but who wants to see that, right?
All of this thinking came as a result of an email from a blog reader - in it she asked how I managed to do so many amazing things, and what it was like having such a great life. It shocked me, that someone would think this about me, when I was in fact thinking the same thing about other people! But I think it just shows that everyone feels like this. When I'm reading other people's blogs thinking how perfect their life is, they are probably doing the same thing reading someone else's blog!
This post is just to say that, I'm real. I want my blog to be beautiful, and inspiring, and fun to read, but I also want it to be real, because I'm real. I choose to only show certain aspects of my life on this blog, because I want it to be a positive place, but that doesn't mean that my life doesn't have its ups and downs like anyone else's. I'm not perfect, not by a very long way. And to show that, I've made a list of reasons why I'm not perfect, or things about me that are real but I wouldn't normally blog about.
1. I eat takeout more than is normal/healthy. Partly because I'm too busy to cook, but partly because it gives me something to look forward to when I've been cooped up indoors all day.
2. I put my business before my friends on a regular basis. The hardest part of working for yourself is balancing time, and I still haven't mastered this, and as a result my friendships have suffered.
3. I am broke. I spend all my time working but all the money I earn goes straight back into my business. This means I have a tiny sum to live on each month, which is part of the reason why I hardly go anywhere.
4. I have adult acne. I've suffered from acne since I was about 13 or 14, but as I grew up it never went away. I'm super self-conscious about it, and it's part of the reason why the only photos of myself I really post are ones taken from a distance on instagram.
5. I can't remember the last time I actually cleaned or hoovered my bedroom or studio. Cleaning comes low down on my list of priorities right now, and as a result I can see dust bunnies everywhere.
6. Since starting my own business I've gained about half a stone. I spend most of my day sat at a desk, eating rubbish, so it's no surprise really.
7. Although I pretend to be rather blase about the whole dating thing, I'm actually scared I will die alone. In order to not worry about it constantly I have developed another persona, one who is driven by success and personal achievement, not the need for a relationship.
So here's to keeping it real and blogging about every aspect of my life, even the bits that aren't perfect.