list 44: reasons why I am happy being single (for now)

My name is Zoe, and I am single. (this is the point where I resist singing "all my single ladies, all my single ladies"... oh wait....) I sometimes feel like I am the only single person left on this planet. My last boyfriend was three years ago, and we had been together for almost five years. It wasn't the best relationship, it ended badly with me heartbroken and alone. It was only after my relationship ended that I realised over those five years I'd lost sight of the real me. I'd become the type of girl I hate. The one who ditches her friends for a boy. The one who lets a boy dictate who she is, what she likes, what she does with her life. It's been three years and I'm still piecing myself back together, but I vowed that I would never become that girl again. But part of me worries that the reason I have avoided relationships since is because I think that I will somehow end up in the same situation again, despite promising myself I would never let that happen.

Maybe I do avoid relationships. It's not exactly hard, I'm not the sort of person that has a queue of suitors at her door. I don't have any real guy friends. But that's not what this post is about (that's a whole other post with some hilarious if slightly awkward stories in it) - this post is about me realising that, although subconsciously I may be avoiding relationships, I am actually happier right now than I have been in a long time. It's reassuring because I know there are so many single people out there who hate being single, and are desperate to find someone. It's not that I actively push guys away - if Matthew Gray Gubler wandered into my house I wouldn't ask him to leave. I'm just learning to accept the fact that I am single, and may be for a long time. Maybe forever. Some people think that is being pessimistic, but I think it's being realistic. It's easy to say "oh there's someone out there for you, you'll find someone." But think about it logically - it is impossible that every single person on this earth has a partner out there. And, even if there is a guy out there who is absolutely perfect for me, who I could love, and who could love me back - what are the odds that we will find each other amongst the 6 billion other people on this planet?

So, maybe I'm doomed to singledom. But why is it such a bad thing? When I tell people I'm single sometimes they look at me like I've just told them I have a terminal illness. Why is being single such a negative thing? I have friends and family who love me. I have an awesome job. I have a house that is warm and safe. I have a dog, and nice clothes, and books, and this blog. Why is it not okay for me to be perfectly happy and satisfied with these things? I know lots of people who have awesome relationships that they are really happy in, and that is ace. But I also know lots of people in crappy relationships, that they stay in for the sake of having someone there. They need another person to make themselves feel good, to make them happy, and I find the idea of letting someone else dictate your happiness crazy.

So, after this extremely long monologue, here are the reasons why I love being single...

1. sometimes I don't shave my legs. sometimes I don't shave my armpits. sometimes I don't shave them for a REALLY long time. but hey, who cares, I'm the only one who sees them.

2. hating Valentine's Day is way more fun than having to go along with it and pretend that you really love the tacky cards, and feeling obligated to spend money on presents and an overpriced meal in a restaurant full of couples

3. one person. double bed. oh the freedom.

4. my phone bill has pretty much been quartered since being single. also, skipping those hour long phone calls every single night gives me more time to paint my nails (and by that I mean force my sister to paint them for me)

5. I can make last minute decisions (like deciding that next month I'm going to Thailand for 3 weeks just for fun - yep I actually did that a couple of years ago!) without worrying about what my boyfriend will say or think

6. there is no need for compromise - this is pretty much the best reason EVER to stay single when you are as stubborn and selfish as I am. When I want a burrito, I have a burrito. There is no-one else there going "but I don't want a burrito, I want pizza." (this is also the reason I can't see myself every having children - I am way too self-centered)

7. there is also no need for sharing (you know when you go to the cinema and you say "do you want popcorn?" and they say "no." So you get a small popcorn just for yourself, and then they end up eating most of it? yeah that. ZOE DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.

8. no arguments, no wondering what they're thinking/if they are annoyed, no waiting for them to call or text, no being annoyed but having to pretend you're not to avoid having a fight.

9. the money I have saved since becoming single is CRAZY - all the meals out/gifts/travel to his house/paying for drinks out/buying films to watch... that stuff is expensive! At least now if I'm paying for something I know it's for me

10. being able to focus on myself and on what I want to do - again that probably sounds totally selfish, but after five years of trying to make someone else happy I figure it's probably time I focused on what I want. And now I can.

Now who else out there is a singleton like me? Do you enjoy being single? Why do you/don't you? I'd be really interested to see what other people think and feel on this subject xoxo